As coaches, our effectiveness hinges on our ability to listen attentively. However, staying fully present and focused in conversations has become increasingly challenging in today's fast-paced and uncertain world. The constant noise of thoughts, external pressures, and rapid changes can overwhelm our minds, leading to cognitive overload and diminished listening capabilities.

Working with the intentions (motives or desires) of the heart of a believer is a very sacred place. The agent at work here is the Word: "For the Word of God is… quick to discern the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12

In his Iceberg Model of Competencies, Harvard psychologist McClelland placed motives at the bottom of the iceberg, considering them the most hidden component.

Coaching is a way to come alongside, encourage, and help people! When we see someone who needs assistance, it is servant nature, a natural response to help. As we address the ICF competencies one by one over the next few months, we begin with the ethical practice of coaching, a cornerstone of our profession guided by the ICF Code of Ethics. 

Coaching is a world of wonder and transformation, excitement overall, yet a journey of steps forward, creating infinite possibilities for change. A whole new world, as some would say!

What elements impact the atmosphere of a coaching session and can free a coach to ask "powerful questions?"

I remember one of my coaching sessions with a client a while ago. She was a team leader in an organization, and they were working on a crucial summer project. At our first session, she seemed visibly overwhelmed and stressed. She started to share:

As you’re defining your resolutions for the year, what is a top priority for your growth as a coach?

Growing in my adaptability as a coach is my number one for this year. Over the years I have seen how adapting to my clients' personality, energy, communication style, and cultural values has made a significant difference in the outcome of our coaching relationship. It's a muscle that needs to be continuously trained.

Reflecting on this year, I'm filled with gratitude as I continue to nurture my habit of paying attention or ‘wondering’. I marvel at God's creation during my walks, pondering His love and kindness, and contemplate the uniqueness of each person I journey with.

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As a new coach I dreaded being observed by my trainer as I coached my peer. I’d worry ahead of time about the mistakes I’d make in technique, or that I’d be so anxious I wouldn’t be able to frame an open question!

In this article you will find two great opportunities for you to continue to sharpen your coaching skills.

When I became a coach over 20 years ago, Kathy was a part of my training group. We chose to continue a peer coaching relationship, and met by phone every month for several years. We grew our coaching skills while building a deep, authentic relationship that remains significant to both of us to this day!

“Two are better than one…” Ecclesiastes 4:9a

A coach’s calling is to walk alongside, empowering and believing, laying aside their own agenda to focus on the client’s growth. The nature of coaching itself requires the coach to put aside their own needs for the sake of the other.

But just as our clients need relationship and connection in order to grow, we do as well! If we are not experiencing healthy empowering relationships, how can we offer this to others in coaching? Part of showing up as a coach is to have spaces in our lives where we are experiencing community.

Recently I met with a client from a culture very different from mine. Chang’s topic was a distressing family issue. My questions didn’t seem to be connecting with her and Chang was having difficulty forming options. I asked what communication she’d had with the parents about her needs. Chang laughed good naturedly and replied, “Oh, I could never request this of them. I could not ask. My husband has said I must just live with this”. I realized that I must have missed some key understandings based on my cultural assumptions!

When I started my first coach training course almost eight years ago it quickly became clear that this learning journey would continue and become even more fulfilling and significant in future. One question that I had constantly in mind was: “What is the next step forward that will help me grow and better serve my coaching clients?”

What a year this has been. As I share some of my reflections and learning as a leader, coach, and human, and what this means for me in 2023, I invite you to consider your own path and how you might want to strengthen your reflective practice. Reflective practice is the intentional way we choose to learn from our experiences.

As we started our coaching conversation I could notice the tension in my client's voice. She was a successful manager in a large company. For the past few years she has worked very hard and reached significant success in her management career. Now she was facing a new decision not easy to make. As she shared about her context I could hear her fear and a high sense of responsibility for the people she was managing.

Everyday conversations in your home, with spouse or with children, with co-workers, with friends who need to be seen and heard, all can be a great context where coaching skills can make a significant impact. Internalizing the disciplines of a coach helps us avoid the “changing hats”  syndrome: one minute a mentor, next minute a counselor, next minute a coach.

One of the joys of Christian coaching is when a client wants to align their lives with God’s purposes. Tony Stoltzfus identifies several components in this process of destiny discovery, including understanding your purpose, eliminating tolerations, clarity on call, and more. A key element he shares is identifying and overcoming internal obstacles and alignment with core values.

As coaches, how can we flexibly use our skills to meet current needs in the world around us? Maintaining presence, listening intently, and asking powerful questions are competencies that can be deployed in a variety of contexts and situations.

It’s not unusual when we begin coaching, that the flow of our conversations is a bit rigid and does not always feel natural. After all, we follow the conversational model we were taught. We are conscientious about not missing any ‘step’ and take a more linear approach.