Effective Coaching Across Personality Types

Coaching different personalities can be sometimes quite challenging. The CPP Global report showed that the biggest reasons for conflict were caused by clashes of personalities and egos (49% of survey respondents), followed by stress, different values, needs, and interests among individuals working together.

Rather than seeing conflict as a negative, whether in professional or personal settings, it can be an opportunity for personal growth and increased trust and collaboration. Asking questions that help our clients reframe their perspective can be a powerful tool for increasing their awareness and experiencing transformation.

In a recent conversation, a manager shared that she often felt overwhelmed by her boss's constant questioning of her decisions. This created significant stress, leading her to believe that her competence and performance were being doubted. Despite her years of extensive managerial experience, she was currently in a new role and felt that her boss’s frequent counterarguments or questions signaled a lack of trust. That made her feel demotivated and on the verge of quitting a position she had worked hard to attain.

⁠1. Explore underlying assumptions and beliefs

Conflicts often arise due to underlying assumptions, beliefs, or values that may be shaped by personality differences. Helping clients identify these can bring awareness to why a situation feels challenging.

Going back to my coaching conversation with the manager, as we explored her reactions and the narrative she was telling herself, she realized that her boss's questioning was triggering two of her deeply held values of collaboration and harmony.

"How do you usually respond when you feel misunderstood?"

"What would be your ideal experience in a discussion with your boss?”

"What do you think motivates his behavior?"

As she moved beyond the heavy cloud of emotions, she could reframe the situation and gain fresh insight. She realized that her boss's questions came mainly from personality differences, rather than doubt in her abilities.

Asking open-ended questions can help clients to explore their feelings and behaviors (ICF Core Competency #4, Cultivating Trust and Safety) and gain insight into their automatic responses, without judgment. These types of questions invite deeper reflection and give clients the space to consider their reactions and motivation, especially when dealing with people who have different personality traits. (PCC marker 6.5 Listens actively)

2. Reframe conflict as an opportunity for growth

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” - Carl Jung

Asking questions that shift the focus from blame to constructive problem-solving:

"What can you learn about yourself from this situation?"

"What strengths can you bring to the table to bridge this difference?"

Such questions empower clients to take ownership of their responses and see personality differences as areas for development, rather than obstacles.

3. ⁠Help clients take responsibility and action where they have control

Once clients have gained more awareness, they can move to take concrete actions to address conflicts or adapt to personality differences.

"What specific changes can you make in your approach to create more collaboration?"

"How can you communicate more effectively with someone who has a different style than yours?"

By adapting your questions to deepen self-awareness, encouraging empathy, and promoting personal growth, you can help clients navigate personality differences and conflict with greater ease and effectiveness. Thoughtful, open-ended questions allow clients to reflect on their behaviors, reconsider their assumptions, and build stronger and healthier relationships. As coaches, the questions we ask are essential tools for guiding clients toward more meaningful and positive interactions, both personally and professionally.

These are great opportunities to increase your awareness and develop new skills in coaching different personality types, a healthy approach on conflict and cross-cultural values.