A life-style of Competencies: ICF Competency 1 - Embodies the coaching mindset
By Patti Clewett
We hadn’t seen each in months…maybe even as long as 2 years! We were both halfway around the world and the opportunity to share a meal together came up. “Of course, yes!”
That evening, the question was obvious. “Catch me up a bit. What's been happening in your life?” The dam was unlocked. Words flowed, experience after experience…hardship through COVID and the kinks of starting a new ministry, personal sacrifices. As I was listening, my mind began to wander as I remembered different experiences in my own life…yep…”been there, done that!”. The struggle was to “take every thought captive for the cause of Christ”, and listen actively, (ICF CC#6 Listens Actively) not trying to fix, not trying to diagnose, just listening for where God was already talking to my friend, and trusting she would know the answer to the next question (ICF CC #4,5 - Cultivates Trust and Safety, Maintains Presence).
“What have you learned?” (ICF CC#7 - Evokes Awareness) The pause that tells you things are about to go deeper. Then slowly, “I guess I’ve learned the need for self-care”. What?! I was completely yet pleasantly surprised. “Tell me more…” (curiosity versus a command) Our conversation went more personal. Now we moved to feelings and how all of the above had affected her relationship with husband and God.
”How will you apply that learning?, I asked. (ICF CC#8 Facilitates Clients Growth) Again, a pause, and again a thoughtful, determined answer.
A catch up conversation with a friend where my coaching disciplines are put to use helps me control my egoism (always wanting to talk about myself), my tendencies to “rescue” (I have the answer for you!) and deepens my relationship as we both discover ways Jesus has been ever present in our lives.
Everyday conversations in your home, with spouse or with children, with co-workers, with friends who need to be seen and heard, all can be a great context where coaching skills can make a significant impact. Internalizing the disciplines of a coach helps us avoid the “changing hats” syndrome: one minute a mentor, next minute a counselor, next minute a coach. ICF Core Competency #1 - Demonstrates Ethical Practice is defined as ‘Understanding and CONSISTENTLY applying coaching ethics and standards of coaching’, and we can do this as we interact with those around us. Those in our world need to be seen, listened to, and affirmed in their strides to move forward to a better self and a better future.
