The Power of Emotions in Coaching

by Cristina Dragomir, PCC, Executive coach

As we started our coaching conversation I could notice the tension in my client's voice. She was a successful manager in a large company. For the past few years she has worked very hard and reached significant success in her management career. Now she was facing a new decision not easy to make. As she shared about her context I could hear her fear and a high sense of responsibility for the people she was managing.  

My client shared her fear that her decision wouldn’t affect the team’s unity and collaboration, that she has constantly worked on in the past few years. So, we continued to explore: "What do you sense that you need to protect?"

New emotions flowed in her answer. Making difficult decisions was part of her daily work. Yet, it seemed that there was something particular about this decision she needed to make. “What values are at stake as you’re facing this new decision?”

How can we as coaches use the power of emotions in a coaching conversation?

1. Notice the emotions

During our coaching conversations we can notice a large range of emotions - from excitement, satisfaction,and curiosity, to frustration, anger, guilt, shame, pain, etc. All of these are important to notice as they can give us hints about where we can explore more.

Emotions are a key aspect to listen for in our coaching conversations as they can indicate where the client’s energy is. The more we notice what’s being said, but also what isn’t being said, the more we’re able to support the client’s progress.

2. Manage emotions

Managing emotions well in the coaching conversation is reflected in how we cultivate trust and safety (ICF CC #4) 4.3: Coach acknowledges and supports the client’s expression of feelings, perceptions, concerns, beliefs or suggestions.

As coaches we need to support our clients in expressing emotions. That requires a safe emotional space that encourages and increases the client’s awareness of themselves, of others and of the situations they encounter.

·  What are you becoming aware of?

·  What’s going on inside of you?

·  What does this context reveal to you about your values?

3. Don’t avoid negative emotions

Inquiring about emotions can sometimes be uncomfortable for us as coaches. As strong emotions arise in the conversation we may tend to avoid exploring more there and just keep the conversation focused on the stated issue. Instead, questions about the emotions can help the client use the power of negative emotions by turning them in the direction of the change they want to make.

·  How do these negative emotions impact you? 

·  What do you want to experience instead? 

When we fear exploring emotions, the client may feel unheard which can negatively impact their motivation to move forward with their actions.

4. Be aware of our own emotions

Increasing our self-awareness is a constant responsibility for us as coaches. Assessing our own emotional state before and during the coaching conversation helps us better manage the client’s emotional response.

We need to be aware of not becoming too protective or parental in expressing our concern towards the client’s circumstances. Instead, we can show genuine support to our clients by acknowledging the emotions they bring into the conversational space.

·  “It seems like there is tension in your voice as you’re relating that dialogue that you had with your leader. What are you becoming aware of?”

·  I heard you lowered your voice as you said that. What is that saying to you?

·  “I sensed your voice tone raised with confidence when you said you believe that you’ll find a way out of this challenge. What is the conviction that supports your words?”

Thinking back to my coaching conversation with my client, as emotions were acknowledged in a safe, non-judgemental space, they created more awareness. My client became visibly more grounded and she could  state with clarity and confidence what she wanted to change. As we partnered together in exploring more about her desired outcome, we could use the power of emotions as a catalyst in the conversation. Once acknowledged, her emotions increased her motivation and became a fuel for clear actions.

Emotions increase awareness that indicate where the energy is and that energy fuels action. How will you use the power of emotions in your next coaching conversation?