Evoking awareness in all three ‘parts’ of the coaching conversation

by Wolfgang Jani, PCC, dipl. Coach SCA

It’s not unusual when we begin coaching, that the flow of our conversations is a bit rigid and does not always feel natural. After all, we follow the conversational model we were taught. We are conscientious about not missing any ‘step’ and take a more linear approach.

Over time, we become aware of this dynamic and desire to get away from following a ‘formula’ in our conversations and shift towards a more natural flow. It might resemble a jazz improvisation… the critical pieces are there. There is a flow with the other person. There is a rhythm, a ‘playing off’ each other. There is a structure and there is freedom within that structure. There is a beginning and there is a conclusion. You can recognize the parts, but they are fluidly integrated.

I would like to offer the following considerations and invite you to experiment with them:

One could say that all coaching is awareness focused. Evoking awareness (ICF core competency #7) is defined as “Facilitating client insight and learning by using tools and techniques such as powerful questioning, silence, metaphor or analogy”. And this is seen throughout the entire conversation! In that sense much of what we do is integrating this into our conversational model. Our questions, our listening, our being presence serve the purpose of the client’s awareness. Therefore, a simpler model for a coaching conversation is to say that it has three parts: a beginning, a large middle, and an end. And in all parts we aim to evoke awareness.

The beginning we clarify what our focus will be. The coach’s job is to be fully present as a partner, creating a safe space and establishing what outcome we are aiming for: what matters most? What is the real need? We evoke awareness by asking questions that help the client go beyond their current thinking and feeling about themself and their situation.

The middle is the large and flexible space for thinking, sensing, exploring and discovering. You are primarily focused on the dialogue going deep for your client to gain new or deeper awareness about their topic and themselves. What the client becomes aware of in their perspective, assumptions, beliefs, values and more is likely more essential than just finding various solutions. Solutions flow from fresh insight or awareness. The coach’s job is to evoke that awareness by being fully present, listening deeply, reflecting, using direct communication, inquiring and being silent. A key in evoking awareness is that the “coach shares - without attachment - observations, intuitions, comments, thoughts or feelings” and then invites the client to explore or respond to the offer” (PCC marker 7. 5)

The ending is the space where the client decides what s/he wants to do with that awareness, insights, learning or discoveries.  The client decides what moving forward and integrating that awareness, insight or learning will look like. The coach’s job is to help consolidate the learning and let the client decide what structure they need to move forward concretely. What stands out from this conversation? What do you want to integrate and move forward with? What do you need to make progress?

Consider how these three simple parts create a flow that is primarily focused on evoking awareness and integrating that awareness for progress and change. I invite you to listen to your coaching sessions and consider how to more seamlessly integrate to evoke awareness in these three parts to make the conversation flow and sound more natural. Enjoy the discoveries and adjustments.

Enjoy your learning; your conversations are needed and make a difference.

Coaching tips:

Beginning:

●      Instead of asking: “what is your goal for this session?” ask more naturally:

○      What do you want to focus on?

○      Or:  What matters most to you with this topic?

○      Or: What is the biggest challenge for you with this topic?

Middle:

●      Instead of saying: “Let’s explore this”, ask:. where do you want to start (in regards to ‘outcome of the session’ - that’s partnering)

●      Instead of asking: “What options do you have?”, ask:

○      What are you learning about yourself regarding… (the topic)?

○      Or: What insight (or awareness) do you have now in regards to … (the session outcome)?

●      Instead of only asking questions to evoke awareness, offer - without attachment - an observation, intuition, feeling or thought and invite the client to respond. For example you can say: it seems like there is some tension between pleasing people and saying yes versus saying no and honoring your own boundary. What are your thoughts around that? Or: How would you describe it?

Ending:

●      Instead of asking: “what are your action steps?:, ask more naturally:

○       What does moving forward for you look like?

○       What’s next?

○      How would integrating this insight look like tomorrow, or in your next challenge?

○      What are you like when you embody (live out) this awareness or belief?