Connecting: finding ingredients for Community
by Tina Stoltzfus Horst, M.S., Master Trainer
“Two are better than one…” Ecclesiastes 4:9a
A coach’s calling is to walk alongside, empowering and believing, laying aside their own agenda to focus on the client’s growth. The nature of coaching itself requires the coach to put aside their own needs for the sake of the other.
But just as our clients need relationship and connection in order to grow, we do as well! If we are not experiencing healthy empowering relationships, how can we offer this to others in coaching? Part of showing up as a coach is to have spaces in our lives where we are experiencing community.
Coaching can be lonely. We routinely work alone. We may meet with clients virtually from a home office. Perhaps we are the only coach in our organization or locality. Some of us have supervisors, coaches, or mentor coaches (a professional essential) as well as friends, family, and church relationships; but how can we connect with other like-minded peers who share our passion for coaching? And what are the ingredients for truly life-giving relationships with other coaches?
True community, whether in person or virtual, only happens when we are real with each other; willing to share our challenges as well as our victories. Authentic relationships require trust! One way to foster trust is with clear expectations that everyone agrees to honor, such as confidentiality, acceptance (being non-judgemental), or equal “air time”.
Another ingredient is shared experiences of caring, integrity, and follow through, built over time. However, it can take years to create this kind of foundation in a group! We do have an alternative: when we enter a new group, we can choose to proactively trust others and share our real selves right away. This is a risk! But when we choose to act and respond with trust/trustworthiness others are likely to meet us at this same level of trust and vulnerability. Tony Stoltzfus calls this “catalyzing authenticity”. Authenticity and trust can be contagious!
Intentionality or commitment is a third ingredient. Even with agreement on clear expectations and the decision to risk trust, if there is no ongoing commitment, community is fleeting.
What are some ways we can put these ingredients together?
Find a peer coaching relationship: I met with a peer coach monthly for years. We built a rich friendship while we coached and learned from each other.
Invite your triad or Connect group from FOCOS training to a virtual reunion! Ask if they want to meet regularly and if so, what they want to focus on and how.
Reach out to other coaches you know and host an ongoing group yourself.
Join my colleague Wolfgang and I for a three month experiment in connecting virtually with other coaches. Register here: Coffee and Connection — FOCOS Platform
God created us for relationship: it’s part of who we are as coaches and as people. If you are looking for connection with other coaches, take a moment now to identify your next step towards community!
